Remembering who we were...what we said.

Viagra Lady

I would really like to be one of those Viagra ladies.

You know, the women on those Viagra commercials, who are oozing fermones to beat the band, and who have men lusting after them because they look so gorgeous digging in their gardens and painting walls.  Most of my friends are my age, and I don’t think any of us look quite like these ladies – especially when we’re gardening, because I hate to admit it, sometimes we perspire a little or get some of the dirt on us.

On the other hand, most of their husbands, boyfriends, or men I see in the grocery store don’t look like the Viagra men either.  So maybe that levels the playing field a little.  (One can hope).

The interesting thing about these commercials is that aside from the primary purpose of taking Viagra (ahem), if my eyes are to believe what I see, there are many amazing side effects. 

For the men, taking Viagra apparently gives you the body of a man in his thirties, and movie star looks, with charisma and sexiness that radiates from every slight smirky smile or longing gaze.  Perhaps I have been cheated in life, since I’m not sure I remember ever having that effect on a man…but, maybe, now that I am in the age range of the Viagra men, it will finally happen!

 And I just love all the scenarios, the couple doing every day things - reading a book, chores, choosing home renovations, and suddenly, the air is charged with electricity.  He looks at her, she looks at him looking at her, and whammo, off they go running up the stairs to the bedroom.  I suppose we should be grateful they are taking time to run up the stairs…but that is the beauty - no need to rush - it is long lasting.

The even more subtle message is that if you are lucky enough to be coupled with a Viagra man, you will look pretty darn beautiful, and at least twenty years younger than your real age.  I am not sure how this works, why all this sexual energy can transform every woman to movie star glamour, but if it works, I would like to be part of the research studies.

So, I am pondering the psychology of these commercials.  The basic premise is obvious, take this pill and you can… “ahem”,  at a moments notice.  And if you use this pill, not only is not shameful, you should probably aspire to do so, and then, you will be part of the Viagra culture.  Not only will you look like a Viagra man, you will get yourself a Viagra lady.  All aspects of life are pure bliss, from doing dishes to sitting on the sofa, and it is always just the two of you.  No jobs, infirmities, aging parents, children or grandchildren, worries or stress.  Always smiling, always gazing, always…well, you know.

And so, here we are again, the baby boomers, the first generation to experience the advent of the birth control pill…sexual freedom for woman…equality.  Now, forty and fifty years later, we are the first set of senior citizens to be able to prolong this facet of our personas, through the use of a new pill.  When you think of it like that, it’s almost a little embarrassing.  I mean, we started out and now are ending up thinking about the same thing…ahem.  

And now we’ve made so much progress, we like to talk about it on TV!  But no pressure here, we all know that since the sixties, woman are appreciated for their minds, not their bodies. 

Please don’t think I am being critical, for in fact, I support the Viagra generation.  Anything that can make it fun to do chores is okay with me.  In fact, I need to confess, I am in one of those Viagra commercials.  I am the lady in the bathtub in the field, where you can only see the back of my head.  It’s the only part they would give me!

AARP...and Me

 

Not only do we baby boomers have our own generational title, we have our own organization developed for us based solely on one factor…our age!  Yep, whoever you are, wherever you are, if you are over fifty, you can join the AARP.  You can join for sixteen dollars a year…that’s of course only 1.33333333333333333333 dollars per month.

 

I have not researched the fact, but I feel fairly confident to say there is no other organization you can join for only this much money.  How can they afford this?  The answer is simple:

 

37 million members. 

  

Yikes!!!  That’s a lot of old people.  A virtual tsunami of walkers, prescriptions, and early bird dinners!  And I haven’t even joined yet, in spite of the enticing mailings I get nearly every week.  I don’t think they are missing me...let’s do the math.

37,000,000 X $1.33 = $492,100.00 (+) per month.

 

Or

 

$5,904,000 per year.

 

For some reason, this seems like a lot of money to me…nearly six million dollars.  What do we get for a membership?  A magazine, I know.  A very beautiful and informative website.  A lot of mailings.

 

The rest depends on who’s running this show.  They are a non-profit organization…they are world-wide…they are hard to track down I’m sure.  I am wondering if they put money into all of the discounts and package deals they offer and collaborate with all the vendors and service providers they promote.  It seems like they must.  But I have to wonder how much money is spent on promotions, mailings, and the website, to entice people to join, to get more money to spend on promotions, mailings and the website, to...well, you get the idea. 

  

I have avoided joining so far, as I did not want to identify myself as an old person, and in fact, am not a retired person.  I probably won’t be retired for a long time, so maybe I am not a good candidate.  But now that I have embraced my Baby Boomerness, maybe I will join.

  

I looked at the website for a while to “get a feel” of what they are all about.  It is a really comprehensive website, fairly appealing, and easy to maneuver…(for us old people).

 

Here is some of the information that jumped out at me:

 

• HEALTH:  Under “9 Health Problems” – Smelly Feet – they inform us that “what it is”…is exactly what you think.  Whew!  Glad to know that.  If at this stage of your life you have not figured out what to do about smelly feet, they offer some rather good suggestions.
• FOOD:  Under 16 Superfoods for a Longer, Healthier Life…they tell us the same 16 foods we have heard about from a million places.  Then, right next to it, is an ad so we can get a free donut at Dunkin Donuts every month with one large drink.  Hey, if we get that donut, we can join AARP for free almost.
• TRAVEL:  (this was the one I liked)  Go Wild – Really Wild! – in Las Vegas.  Now they’re talkin…because if I go to Las Vegas, I definitely intend to go more then a little wild.  On the other hand, on this same page, there is also advice on “Foods to Avoid Before Boarding a Plane”.  For some reason, this seems like a bit of a contradiction to me.  If I have to avoid flatulence producing foods before I get on the plane, how am I ever going to go wild once I get there?  I need to go back and read more. 

I think I will join the AARP, mostly because they won’t let me join the Girl Scouts, and I don’t get much mail lately as I do everything on my computer.  Then I can do more research.  And I will know what to do if I have particularly smelly feet at certain times.

 

So please don’t let them know I wrote this controversial piece about their organization, they may blacklist me…and that would be really depressing as I need to know about that wild in Las Vegas thing!